http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/

[LimkMike]

(404): hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
(1-404): no.

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(517): I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"

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(206): Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.

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(516): she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
(917): I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.

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(646): I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me

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(+93): woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!

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(802): my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???

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(716): i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...

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(214): Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.

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(724): I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.

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[LimkMike]

(706): im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick

[LimkMike]

(816): We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.

[Evil Steve]

(562): omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.


ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww

[LimkMike]

(404): look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose

[D Bear]

(516): the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal

[D Bear]

(978): The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.

[Erytheis]

(562): omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.


ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Awww that's so romantic, it should be put on a greeting card.

[Evil Steve]

Awww that's so romantic, it should be put on a greeting card.


Such a Hallmark moment

[LimkMike]

(704): I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?


(personally i wait for the day when i can send this text!!!!!)

[Erytheis]

It was probably a christmas card making accident.

[LimkMike]

(512): boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.

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(651): my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego

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(215): two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
(1-215): ill bring the camera dont start without me

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(404): I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today

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(785): if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.

[LimkMike]

(540): so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...

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(702): the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!

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(817): she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'

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(503): He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
(1-503): Marry him

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(630): I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg

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(870): You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"